My husband had a vasectomy after our son was born, so deep down I knew I wasn’t pregnant.
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But my periods had always been regular up until that point three years ago, so when I was a week late, I knew something was up.
“Surely I’m not perimenopausal?” I thought. At 45, I was convinced that I was too young – my mum didn’t go through “The Change” until she was 50.
I was fitter than I’d ever been and was living my best Instagram life, having set up my @trayslounge fashion account and amassed thousands of followers.
I was loving my job as Fabulous’ Fashion Director and life felt full of possibilities. I wasn’t ready to be a “dried-up old prune”, as one mate joked when I told her my worries.
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Feeling unloved
At the same time that my periods stopped, my teenage daughter’s started. This only highlighted to me that, while she was at the start of her journey into womanhood and fertility, I was coming to the end of mine.
I wasn’t ready for the wave of emotions that hit me at that point. I’m grateful for my kids Frankie, 16, and Louis, nine, and definitely wasn’t planning any more.
But that decision had been taken away, and I felt like I wasn’t in control any more. I hated my body and felt like it had let me down.
I’ve always been optimistic, but suddenly I felt despondent. I questioned everything about my life: my job, my relationship and even how much my children loved me.
The kids called me “narky” and my husband Lewis, 47, a photo retoucher, gave me a wide berth. Meanwhile, hot flushes would make my forehead drip with sweat and my glasses steamed up in meetings.
I would forget to do things and lose the gist of what I was saying mid-sentence. I’m used to juggling lots of plates, but about 18 months ago, I woke up and felt so overwhelmed that I just wanted to stay in bed.
I felt like I was lost and no one was trying to find me.
Reaching out
Six months later and my symptoms were getting worse. I was always crying, waking up sweating at 4am and craving carbs 24/7.
Finally, in May 2019, I booked a doctor’s appointment. My GP ordered blood tests to rule out anything more sinister, and when they came back clear, recommended hormone replacement therapy (HRT).
There was a national shortage of HRT patches, so I was given a combined pill called Kliovance, but it made me feel sick and fatigued, like I was in the first trimester of pregnancy but with no baby to look forward to.
I went back to my GP three months later seeking a more natural remedy after speaking to a friend, who’d been prescribed body-identical (or bioidentical) HRT (extracted from yams and soy) by a private doctor.
I was told body-identical hormones weren’t available on the NHS and was prescribed an HRT patch, but it was still out of stock at the pharmacy. Desperate, I saw another doctor who told me body-identical drugs were available on the NHS, and prescribed Utrogestan (progesterone pills) and Oestrogel (oestrogen gel).
But after nine months, I was still suffering with hot flushes, mood swings and low libido. I’d always had a healthy sex drive, but now I didn’t feel in the mood and I took much longer to orgasm.
Getting the right help
In despair, I turned to Instagram and asked my followers for advice. They shared podcasts, remedies, links and, most importantly, their stories in their droves.
One follower, nutritionist Emma Bardwell, recommended eating plenty of protein, as well as complex, nutrient-rich carbs such as brown rice and sweet potatoes to reduce menopause-related fatigue.
What is the menopause?
Menopause is a natural part of ageing, which usually happens when a woman is between the age of 45 and 55.
In the UK, the average age for a woman to go through menopause is 51.
It occurs when oestrogen levels in the body start to decline.
During this time periods become less frequent or they can suddenly stop, and after menopause occurs women will be unable to become pregnant naturally.
Around one in 100 women experience menopause before the age of 40, and this is known as premature ovarian insufficiency or premature menopause.
Many celebrities have spoken out about their own experiences, such as Zoe Ball, who said she was “menopausal and hot and hairy”.
She told me to chew really thoroughly to reduce bloating and eat plenty of omega-3-rich foods – such as fish, nuts and seeds – to help with joint aches and pains.
Next Emma suggested I visit Dr Shahzadi Harper at The Harper Clinic. Dr Harper reassured me that I wasn’t losing my mind, told me I was now menopausal as I hadn’t had a period for over two years, and tested my hormone levels to see if I was on the correct dosage of HRT.
The tests showed my dosage was too low. My follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) level– normally below 25 pre-menopause – was over 100, which meant my ovaries weren’t functioning and my oestrogen levels were low.
This can cause vaginal dryness, hot flushes, weak bones and depression. She advised me to up my dose of oestrogen gel and prescribed testosterone gel to help with my libido.
There are no testosterone products specifically for female use licensed in the UK, so my options were to take it off-label, costing over £100 for a three-month private prescription, or to take testosterone gel Tostran, available on the NHS but off-licence, as it’s only registered for male use.
I went for the latter. Increased facial and body hair is a known side effect of testosterone, but thankfully I haven’t got hairier!
Tracey’s top menopause products
Daniel Sandler Anti-Redness Foundation Primer, £24.50 – buy now The green-toned primer disguises the redness that can be brought on by hot flushes – just apply before foundation.
Nanu Hot & Not Duvet, from £60 A hollow- fibre split-tog duvet that will keep you and your non-menopausal partner at the right temp. Choose from a range of togs, but you can only go one tog higher or lower on each side.
Yes VM Vaginal Moisturiser, £9.99 – buy now This certified organic natural vaginal gel stops itchiness and dryness, hydrates for up to three days and is available on NHS prescription.
Meg’s Menopause Motion Lotion Oil Based Lubricant, £10 – buy now Apply a small amount of this plant-oil lubricant before intercourse. It contains aloe vera, green tea and camomile.
Finding a balance
Three months later, and finally on the correct dosage of HRT and testosterone, I feel like me again.
I’m also taking a mix of herbal supplements (MenoCool Black Cohosh Tablets, £10.99 for 30, and Best Naturals Dong Quai capsules, £11.99 for 180, a Chinese herbal remedy also know as female ginseng) that I find help cool me down.
Yoga has helped my mind – I can process things logically again and my mood has levelled out. Plus, my hot flushes have virtually disappeared and sex is 100% back on!
My nine-year-old isn’t scarred for life, my teen is BFFs with me again and my husband is all smiles.
My advice to other women
Don’t suffer in silence, don’t give up and don’t lose yourself. I tried to cope for two years before seeking medical advice. I thought getting help was admitting defeat. It isn’t.
The menopause isn’t the end or something to be hidden and embarrassed about. With the right help, it can be a brand-new beginning.
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